Maybe this isnt the place for me but where else

Now I dont know why but most of life seems to be arround well cant you just pretend to be happy cant you just fake one last smile for everyone.

I realised that maybe me hiding my feelings isnt right anymore. I mean I still live with the constant nightmares of my school life with all the crap that happened there and I get frowned upon as I will not talk about it. I mean at the ned of the day isnt it up to me or yet still choose not to talk about it at all. I know I am worrying a few people but still isnt it my choice not to I really dont know.

I know one thing I need to see someone about it but its one of those things that I know I cannot afford I would love to sit there and talk to some one that will just allow me to rant and rave about everything and be a shoulder to cry on with out worrying about showing signs of weakness, Maybe this is a sign of weakness spilling it all out here but then again they say realise is a realise isnt it.

any way I will write more later